997. In The Back of The 'Fridgerator

Sometimes inspiration can come from the strangest of sources. I was poking in the back of the fridge one day, and thought to myself, 'Wow, this stuff in here is really old and really stale'. Well, the phrase 'Really Old and Really Stale' got stuck in my head because it sounded like the opening line of a poem, which I then just had to sit down and write.

Here's the first version:

IN THE BACK OF THE ‘FRIDGERATOR
 A Love Story by Vikram Madan

Really Old met Really Stale
In the back of the ‘fridgerator
“Love at First Smell!” they declared
Each vowed its love was greater

“You and I shall have such FUNgus”
“Let’s grow mOLD together”
And thus they lived in rotten bliss
Decaying with each other

But then one day a hand reached in
And decomposed the pair
And one was left mourning the loss
Of one no longer there

This tale would be a tragedy
As one sat there and yearned
But the ordeal was not over yet
And the cleansing hand returned!

Before too long the fridge was bare
And scrubbed from well within
And the lovers? Reunited,
In the heart of the compost bin.

Text and Illustrations Copyright © 2012 Vikram Madan, All Rights Reserved
 

The phrase 'In the Back of the 'Fridgerator' had a nice ring to it and sounded like a refrain that needed repitition within the poem. Here's the second version I wrote, this time with a chantable refrain:

IN THE BACK OF THE ‘FRIDGERATOR
A Love Story by Vikram Madan

Really Old met Really Stale
     In the back of the 'fridgerator
So began this stinky tale
     In the back of the 'fridgerator
Love at First Smell!, they declared
     In the back of the 'fridgerator
Oh, the fun-gus times they shared
     In the back of the 'fridgerator
Growing m-old and mildewy
     In the back of the 'fridgerator
R-O-T-T-I-N-G
     In the back of the 'fridgerator...

Then one day a hand appeared
     In the back of the 'fridgerator
Did the thing they both had feared
     In the back of the 'fridgerator
Picked one up and split the pair
     In the back of the 'fridgerator
Lonesomeness and sorrow there
     In the back of the 'fridgerator...

Does this tale end in regret
     In the back of the 'fridgerator?
Wait! Mom's not done cleaning yet
     In the back of the 'fridgerator!
When the scrubbing was all done
     In the back of the 'fridgerator
The two once more were joined as one
     But away from our 'fridgerator...

Really Stale met Really Old
     In the heart of the compost pile
Henceforth rotting uncontrolled
  Gladly rotting uncontrolled
   Together rotting uncontrolled
     In the heart of the compost pile.

Text and Illustrations Copyright © 2012 Vikram Madan, All Rights Reserved

                             ***

I was feeling partial towards the second version, but a ten-year old I tested it on found it to be (sadly) too repetitive. What do you think?  Does one work better than the other? (Right now the first is headed into my upcoming poetry collection while the second is destined for the reject drawer ...)