Classic Funny Poems: 'The Briefless Barrister' by John G. Saxe

Here's an old little-known poem by John Godfrey Saxe penned sometime prior to 1857. Although John G. Saxe is most well known for his poem 'The Blind Men and the Elephant', he was a prolific poet and I was delighted to stumble across this gem in an old obscure book. I particularly enjoyed the word-play sprinkled through-out this poem. Note that John Saxe was a barrister by profession, so presumably he knew what he was writing about when he wrote this poem.

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      The Briefless Barrister
A Ballad by John G. Saxe (1816 - 1887)

An attorney was taking a turn,
    In shabby habiliments drest ;
His coat was shockingly worn,
    And the rust had invested his vest.

His breeches had suffered a breach,
    His linen and worsted were worse ;
He had scarce a whole crown in his hat,
    And not half-a-crown in his purse.

And thus as he wandered along,
    A cheerless and comfortless elf,
He sought for relief in a song,
    Or complainingly talked to himself :

" Unfortunate man that I am !
    I've never a client but grief ;
The case is, I've no case at all,
    And in brief, I've ne'er had a brief !

" I've waited and waited in vain,
    Expecting an 'opening' to find,
Where an honest young lawyer might gain
    Some reward for the toil of his mind.

" 'Tis not that I'm wanting in law,
    Or lack an intelligent face,
That others have cases to plead,
    While I have to plead for a case.

" O, how can a modest young man
    E'er hope for the smallest progression-
The profession's already so full
    Of lawyers so full of profession !"

While thus he was strolling around,
    His eye accidentally fell
On a very deep hole in the ground
    And he sighed to himself, "It is well !"

To curb his emotions, he sat
    On the curb-stone the space of a minute,
Then cried, " Here's an opening at last !"
    And in less than a jiffy was in it !

Next morning twelve citizens came
    ('Twas the coroner bade them attend),
To the end that it might be determined
    How the man had determined his end !

" The man was a lawyer, I hear,"
    Quoth the foreman who sat on the corse ;
" A lawyer?   Alas! " said another,
    "Undoubtedly he died of remorse !"

A third said, " He knew the deceased,
    An attorney well versed in the laws,
And as to the cause of the death,
    'Twas no doubt from the want of a cause."

The jury decided at length,
    After solemnly weighing the matter,
" That the lawyer was drownded, because
    He could not keep his head above water !"

Excerpted from 'The Humorous Poetry of the English Language' by J. Parton, Mason Brothers, 1857

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For more poetic fun, head on over to this week's Poetry Friday roundup at Diane Mayr's Random Noodling Blog.
Happy Poetry Friday!